Coming soon to a local park / race track / footy field / beach near you: Australia Day. You can tell by all of the people walking around dressed in Australian flags. Otherwise, you might not know that it is Australia Day, or that you are in Australia. And you wouldn’t want to make a […]
Happy birthday, Winnie the wombat. You look fun and cuddly. But … Wombats are big furry buggers that look like a giant crawling teddy bear and the unsuspecting say “oh cute, so cute” until they turn and outrun your wife and trip her over and you keep running you coward because you have soiled […]
Everybody was kung-fu fighting But I was kung-fu loving Drunken Master Mantis Style Long Fist Eight Extremes White Lotus Ah!
I. Billy Be a hero The rest of us will creep out the back Our wives were happy Our kids were happy They didn’t care about Billy After all, their Dads came back. II. The night Chicago died There was nothing good on TV I went to bed early and missed it all. Dammit!
The Partridge Family I think I love you But what am I so afraid of? Cancer. Drunk drivers. Faces at the window. Child abductors. Prison. Public speaking. Rectal bleeding. All the usual stuff.
Lonely Mormons far from home wandering through the great apostasy. Tempted by Coca Cola, shunning coffee and other like beverages, is your truth too good for me? You all rush to share it with the pretty Asian girls. Was there nothing on those buried gold plates Elohim wanted you to share with me? I’ll just […]
Sniff of chlorophyl whiff of ether Look down fronds part and unfurl cupping leafy embrace cool breeze tugs you in sinking the green moss is velvet plant yourself lean in and skin unfurls to mask you the perfect kiss inside out you are draped try to make sense of distant calls lose yourself in the […]
MARINE BOY You need your gadgets boy, and how cool they are: rocket propeller shoes electric boomerang oxy gum. But you will never fit in. Everything underwater will always be blurry before your eyes obscuring the truth that the mermaid is never taking you home to meet her parents. You are a fish out of […]
Ninjas can’t dance Ninjas can’t dance if the music ain’t disco That is their secret limitation, a truth that is a threat to their dignity. It ain’t much. They can still kill and fly and turn invisible and such. Just don’t expect them to bust a move, if it ain’t disco.
Surprise Cancer too is a prize You don’t have to queue at the newsagent’s to buy a ticket They slip it in with the teddy bear, the beatrix potter china setting, the first photograph album, unnoticed. The final draw may be foreshadowed in the missed stitch in the booties grandma made put aside, only used […]