David Stevens

Posts Tagged ‘culture’

A miracle for Easter

In Uncategorized on March 31, 2018 at 2:02 pm

What? This has nothing to do with cats?

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Why aren’t you dreaming about fish, you bastard?

In Uncategorized on March 31, 2018 at 1:59 pm

 

Sralya Day

In Uncategorized on January 24, 2018 at 10:13 pm

Coming soon to a local park / race track / footy field / beach near you: Australia Day. You can tell by all of the people walking around dressed in Australian flags. Otherwise, you might not know that it is Australia Day, or that you are in Australia. And you wouldn’t want to make a mistake about that, there could be consequences. I still remember when Australia Day was a dusty little public holiday tucked away towards the back of the summer pack, hey a day off, thank you very much. Now it is a thing. Not unlike a sad party thing. So here is my yearly offering, an alleged poem, for Australia Day. There you go, get some culture into ya, ya bastard. Clear your plate, there’s plenty more. Now once more, with feeling …

FLAG DAY

It was Flag Day

so we wrapped ourselves in our flags

and went to the pub.

Everybody else had the same idea, but.

All the flags were the same

because we are all Flaglanders.

It would have been nice to wrap myself

in the flag of difference

but I was too scared.

Everyone looked the same.

The fun idea had become

A Sad Party Thing.

It doesn’t matter.

The flag unites us.

Our fear of looking different unites us.

All eyes are wary on Flag Day.

Everyone smiles with their mouths

as they lift their beers,

but all those eyes are looking about.

And those eyes are quick.

You don’t want to stand out.

Not on Flag Day.

There are no excuses.

It is not “I pay my taxes” day.

It is not “I am a human being, I have rights” day.

It is fucking Flag Day.

Alright?

You sad party thing.

Greatest dancer of the 20th Century

In Uncategorized on January 6, 2018 at 8:18 pm

History should not be rushed. It is important to take time to reflect, and to have access to all relevant materials before coming to judgment. And while all views may be subject to revision (just ask Stalin), I am fairly confident of our maturity in the cultural sphere, and so believe that this is one historical assessment that will stand the test of time.

It is important when assessing cultural phenomena to be separate from fads and not to be ideologically blinkered. Gentle readers, you know that I stand apart from the crowd, and that while others may be subjective, I am objective. (Lord, that was said to me, not about me, by a fellow panellist on a recruitment panel. Apparently, because we described a candidate in words, and they assessed them using a numeric scoring system of their own invention, they were that rare thing, a truly objective person.) So after catching up on some favourites of my youth last night on Youtube, I am very well placed to declare that the greatest dancer of the 20th century was Alexei Sayle. To see a chubby bald guy in a tight suit make those moves was inspirational. Forever more, every time I take to the dance floor, regardless of the koinos kosmos, in my head, that will be how I look. Except I have hair. And my suits aren’t that tight.

 

Sralya Day

In Uncategorized on January 25, 2017 at 6:02 am

Here’s some culture for Australia Day – get it inta ya.

Sralya Day, now its a thing. Not just some dusty public holiday at the fag end of the summer holidays, an extra long weekend for free just to make returning to school easier for Mum and Dad. A thing. With concerts and stuff. Sam the former red Wiggle still needs to make a living. Hey, Sneaky Sound System are on at Liverpool, but nobody believes me.

 

FLAG DAY

It was Flag Day

so we wrapped ourselves in flags

and went to the pub.

Funny, eh!

Everybody else had the same idea, but.

And all the flags were the same

because we are all Flaglanders.

It would have been nice to wrap myself

in the flag of difference

but I was too scared.

Everyone looked the same.

The fun idea had become

A Sad Party Thing.

It doesn’t matter.

The flag unites us.

Our fear of looking different unites us.

All eyes are wary on Flag Day.

Everyone smiles with their mouths

as they lift their beers,

but all those eyes are looking about.

And those eyes are quick.

You don’t want to stand out.

Not on Flag Day.

There are no excuses.

It is not “I pay my taxes” day.

It is not “I am a human being, I have rights” day.

It is fucking Flag Day.

Alright?

You sad party thing.