Happy birthday Winnie the Wombat (not womb-bat)

Happy birthday, Winnie the wombat. You look fun and cuddly. But …   Wombats are big furry buggers that look like a giant crawling teddy bear and the unsuspecting say “oh cute, so cute” until they turn and outrun your wife and trip her over and you keep running you coward because you have soiled […]

Paper Lace, 1974

I. Billy Be a hero The rest of us will creep out the back Our wives were happy Our kids were happy They didn’t care about Billy After all, their Dads came back.   II. The night Chicago died There was nothing good on TV I went to bed early and missed it all. Dammit!

Attack of the Spider Woman

I awoke the other morning from uneasy dreams to find that, lying in my bed, I had been transformed into a giant insect. In the unearthly morning light, the remnants of a purple mist could be seen, passing through walls and windows.  Not again. There was nothing for it.  Lying on my hard, as it […]

Dream not the impossible dream

News of the bus misadventure in the Canutes caused me to reflect on an incident from my school days. Those of a certain age will remember the tightening of the curriculum, when a scientific fine tooth comb was drawn through the hippy length hair of what in those days passed for the imparting of knowledge to […]

How the Australian Cricket team could FEED THE WORLD

I dream of an ink vampire, draining chinese ideograms, celtic crosses, pictures of dogs, MOM, southern crosses, rebel flags, big boobed naked girls, meaningless epigrams, fanned cards, LOVE, band names, HATE, gothic script, military insignia, stupid lyrics, astrological signs, hula dancers, horned devils, feathered chiefs, bible quotes, affirmations, garish sleeves.  How it thrives now, after […]

Old school anime

MARINE BOY You need your gadgets boy, and how cool they are: rocket propeller shoes electric boomerang oxy gum. But you will never fit in. Everything underwater will always be blurry before your eyes obscuring the truth that the mermaid is never taking you home to meet her parents. You are a fish out of […]